Data Gets Diarrhea
by ScaryKelly
Summary: Data installs a new "Digestion Chip", and drinks too much Romulan Ail. The next day when Data doesn't answer his door, Geordi suspects something going awry and calls for back up. Please R


Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Please R&R.  
  
Data Gets Diarrhea  
By: Kelly M.M. aka ScaryKelly  
  
Captain Jean-Luc Picard sat in his Ready Room sipping his tea of Earl Gray with his eyes closed, head back, soaking in the loud music of the early century Opera. His bell rang and he opened his eyes and set down his tea.  
"Computer, End Program," he ordered, as the music stopped,  
"Enter!" He bellowed and the doors suctioned open. In walked Beverly Crusher smiling holding a P.A.D.D. Picard grinned thinking she looked especially lovely.  
"Beverly" He said kindly, "How may I be of assistance."   
"Jean Luc," Bev began taking a seat, handing over the P.A.D.D, "I know there is a Doctor-Patient rule, but as the Captin I thought I'd share this with you."  
Picard seemed intreged.  
"As you know, Data had the Digestion ship put it Earlier-"  
"Ah, yes, how is that working out?" Picard said thinking of Data fondly.  
"Well, It seems he drank to much Romulan Ail last night in Ten Forward and now, he has the following Symptom..." Bev finished pointing at the P.A.D.D. Jean Luc Picard held the P.A.D.D. and scanned down to Data's Symptoms and burst out laughing, Beverly started too.  
  
Meanwhile in Data's quarters, the Bell rang. No one answered. Outside Geordi stood confused. He tried to open the door but it was locked,  
"Computer, where is Data currently?" He said looking at the door.  
"Data is currently in his quarters." The female computer voice chimed.  
_Why isn't he answering?_ Geordi thought. Hoping nothing was wrong Geordi decieded to check things out,  
"Overrule entry, access code Alpha LaFordge 312." he said pressing some buttons and then the doors opened. A vile smell came from the room, almost overbearing.  
"Data?" Geordi asked, "Data, are you in here?" He asked again.  
A low moan came from Data's personal bathroom. A noise he never heard before.  
  
Still holding his nose, he reached for his phaser. He tapped his com badge and took cover behind the corner.  
"LaFordge to Bridge, i'm going to need a security team down here in Data's Quarters."  
"Understood" Riker said,  
"LaFordge out" Geordi said trying to keep quiet._ The smell was getting more worse, this may be a alien race taking Data hostage,_ he thought. Then he almost tripped over something on the floor. He looked down and it was Spot. Data's violent cat. Now? Laying motionless. Geordi took out his tricorder and scanned the cat. Spot was only passed out, reasons unknown.   
_Perhaps the smell is toxic? I am feeling a little dizzy myself._ Geordi thought as he heard the Security Team enter.  
  
Worf, Will Riker, and an unknown Ensign moaned and grunted from the toxic smell coming from Data's quarters.  
"Shh!" Geordi said as quietly as possible, walking up to them Phaser set to Kill.  
"Geordi, what's going on here?" Riker said in hushed voice, "I don't know but I've been hearing stranged moans, and this smell, this vile smell."  
"Where's Lt. Commander Data?" Worf said eye widening,  
"My visors picking up positronic emissions from over in the bathroom."  
  
"Uuuuhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!" a loud moan yelled from the bathroom. All of them pulled out their phasers and almost shot. They all looked at eachother and nodded as they began towards the bathroom with much caution. They positioned themselves around the bathroom door, Riker in the center right infront.  
"Computer, open doors on my say." He said, and the computer beeped in understanding. Everyone looked around at eachother once more, in fear, and got ready for a possible battle. It was hard not to try to cover their noses from the smell which had gotten worse.  
  
"SAY!" Riker yelled and the doors shot open. The smell jumped out of the room and revealed Data holding himself up on the toilet, crapping out the worst Diarrhea you ever saw. He moaned in agony as it poured out for a good five minutes. It was going so long it brought tears to the Andriod's eyes.  
"My God!" the Ensign said and began to vomit.  
"My Visor's Overloading!" Geordi said losing control of his balance and dropping to his knees.  
"That is without Honor" Worf said lowering his visor,  
"I'm going to need counseling" Riker said just leaving the room in disgust.  
  
The next day Riker had told the story to everyone in Ten Forward. They all burst out laughing, but instantly stopped when Data entered. He walked up to the group of people,  
"I have removed the Digestion Chip." He said in an emotionless tone. Everyone could not stop from bursting out laughing again. Data just stood there confused, but glad he had not turned on his emotions chip to feel the embarrassment.  
  
THE END. 


End file.
